Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – October 15th

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October 15th is a day of remembrance for those who have lost children – before or after birth. It seems a little odd to me to have a day of remembrance because really, you never forget.

There’s a service being held in the Chapel in CUMH today – but we made the decision not to go. I worry that my large twin-filled belly might be difficult for some people there to see – depending on where they are with their grief or loss at the moment.

2011 was a difficult year for us. We lost our first pregnancy so unexpectedly, after seeing a heartbeat and everything. My heart broke and has never been the same again. Our second and third losses weren’t quite the same shock. Now we knew firsthand that things don’t always go so well. But they seeded in us a deep and abiding fear that has followed us all the way through this pregnancy. I ask myself every day “Is this the moment when our happiness is all going to be snatched away again?”. So far we’ve been lucky.

I know we are far from the only couple in our group of friends who’ve experienced this kind of loss. Some of you have felt you could share your story with us, and the statistics alone tell us that one in four women will experience pregnancy or infant loss. I suppose the point of this remembrance day is to give a voice to that grief that so many of us have unfortunately felt.

There’s a “thing” going on tonight – called The Wave of Light where at 7pm – your local time – you’re encouraged to light a candle. I’ll be doing that. For all our little muskateer embryo-fetuses that didn’t make it to see us in real life.

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