One of the most successful games I’ve run recently was an Unknown Armies game called Dead Presidents. I left the players to come up with some campaign frameworks, and they decided to play reincarnated presidents with superpowers. I blame The West Wing. (The other suggested campaign, which I think is utter genius and really must run sometime, was about a unit of marines in Iraq who get zapped by a curse. By day, they appear normal. By night, they appear to be scary Jihadists to anyone who sees them.)
Dead Presidents went to some bizarre places. Here’s the transcript of a conversation between the bad guys, which the PCs managed to obtain with the typewriter used to write the Watergate story and some sorcery. On Thursday, I’ll recap the campaign and discuss why it worked so well.
MIDNIGHT, WASHINGTON MEMORIAL SANCTUM
NEW YORK; I CALL THIS MEETING TO ORDER. LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
GEORGIA: WE’RE MISSING THREE?
NEW YORK: SOUTH CAROLINA IS ILL. RHODE ISLAND WILL BE WITH US IN A MOMENT. AND VIRGINIA, WELL, WE’LL GET TO THE SENATOR IN A MOMENT.
NEW HAMPSHIRE: WHAT THE EXPLETIVE DELETED HAPPENED IN FLORIDA?
NEW JERSEY: THE WASHINGTON REVENANT. HE TOOK CONTROL OF NATIONAL GUARD UNITS AND LAUNCHED AN ATTACK ON DISNEYWORLD.
NEW HAMPSHIRE: AND THE EXPLETIVE DELETED NUKE?
NEW JERSEY: IT, EH, IT WASN’T A NUCLEAR DEVICE, NO.
NORTH CAROLINA: THEN WHAT WAS IT?
NEW JERSEY: IT WAS A MAGICKAL DETONATION.
NEW HAMPSHIRE: EXPLETIVE DELETED EXPLETIVE DELETED?
MARYLAND: NO, PROBABLY DISNEY. SOME RELIC. WE’VE SUSPECTED THAT DISNEY WAS PLOTTING SOMETHING BIG FOR A WHILE. LOOK AT THE POSITIONING OF THEIR STORES IN CALIFORNIA – KALIFERNE, FAIRYLAND. WHEN DR. DEE WAS PLOTTING TO CONQUER THE WORLD, HE KNEW THERE WERE UNTAPPED WELLS OF MAGICAL POWER IN THE FAR WEST. ROANOKE WAS-
NEW JERSEY: DO WE NEED ANOTHER DAMN LESSON IN MAGIC HISTORY? WE HAVE A PROBLEM. THE REVENANTS ARE OUT OF CONTROL. WE NEED TO BRING THEM TO HEEL.
NEW YORK: INTELLIGENCE?
NEW JERSEY: CAN’T TRACK ‘EM. WE’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THEM BY MUNDANE MEANS, BUT WE CAN’T USE FEDERAL AGENTS. ANYONE, ANYONE OATHSWORN IS EXPLETIVE DELETED WHEN THE REVENANTS GET TO THEM.
MARYLAND: THE KID WE PICKED UP IN WASHINGTON, THE COBWEB FARMER TYRO FROM THE BURGER PLACE – SHE SAYS THEY WERE TRAVELLING AROUND IN A TOUR BUS.
GEORGIA: SO?
MARYLAND: WE’VE NOT SEEN A TOUR BUS ANYWHERE. I THINK IT’S INVISIBLE.
GEORGIA: I NEED A DRINK.
NEW YORK: LET’S DISCUSS VIRGINIA FIRST. THEY ATTACKED HIS OFFICE. WE HAVE CONFIRMED SIGHTINGS OF MOST OF THEM THERE. BUSH, WASHINGTON, NIXON AND KENNEDY.
MARYLAND: I THOUGHT THAT WAS PROMISING. IT LOOKS LIKE FAIRLY CONVENTIONAL COUNTERMEASURES WILL WORK ON THEM.
PENNSYLVANIA: SO THEY’RE JUST DEMONS? WE’VE DEALT WITH DEMONS BEFORE.
MARYLAND: REMARKABLY POWERFUL ONES. IF ONLY WE KNEW
NEW YORK: WE DO. I BELIEVE RHODE ISLAND IS READY TO JOIN US.
RHODE ISLAND: MY BROTHERS, I STAND, UH BEFORE YOU AS AN OATHBREAKER AND TRAITOR TO THESE UNITED STATES. I CONFESS FREELY THAT I ACTED AGAINST THE BEST INTERESTS OF OUR WORK AND THE NATION.
GEORGIA: AH, PHIL, NOT ANOTHER INTERN.
RHODE ISLAND: SOUTH CAROLINA, VIRGINIA AND I STOLE THE REGALIA FROM THE OAK ISLAND VAULT. WE TOOK THEM TO OWL CREEK AND PERFORMED A NECROMANTIC RITUAL. THE REGALIA WERE SACRIFICED TO BRING BACK THE GREAT PRESIDENTS. WE BELIEVED IT WAS NECESSARY
MARYLAND: YOU EXPLETIVE DELETED THE EXPLETIVE DELETED REGALIA?
GENERAL UPROAR.
MARYLAND: I’LL EXPLETIVE DELETED STRANGLE HIM! I’LL EXPLETIVE DELETED HIS EXPLETIVE DELETED WITH EXPLETIVE DELETED EXPLETIVE DELETED! YOU EXPLETIVE DELETED EXPLETIVE DELETED.
NEW YORK: SIT THE EXPLETIVE DELETED DOWN AND SHUT UP.
MARYLAND: WE’RE EXPLETIVE DELETED. TOTALLY EXPLETIVE DELETED. TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AND LET THE EXPLETIVE DELETED DEMS HAVE THE WHITE HOUSE. I MEAN, I THOUGHT WE WERE EXPLETIVE DELETED WHEN THAT EXPLETIVE DELETED MORON GOT IS BOGGED DOWN IN IRAQ, BUT THIS IS EXPLETIVE DELETED.
NEW YORK: THANKS TO RHODE ISLAND’S CONFESSION, WE KNOW SOUTH CAROLINA IS DEAD. VIRGINIA HAS VANISHED. WE HAD ED KELLEY KEEPING AN EYE ON HIM, BUT KELLEY’S BODY WAS FOUND IN A DUMPSTER IN PHILLY THIS MORNING.
MARYLAND: WE CAN CALL HIM UP AND
NEW YORK: ALREADY TRIED. THE CORPSE HAS BEEN BLANKED.
MARYLAND: THE REVENANTS?
NEW JERSEY: WE DON’T THINK SO. THEY’RE WORKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE, POSSIBLY TNI.
MAINE: WE CAN BRING ABLE IN IF WE HAVE TO. ENRON HIM.
NEW YORK: I DON’T THINK ABLE WANTS A MAGE WAR ANY MORE THAN WE DO. WE NEED TO CONTROL THIS SITUATION.
GEORGIA: THE NATIONAL EXPLETIVE DELETED GUARD JUST NUKED EXPLETIVE DELETED DISNEYLAND. CONTROL IS NOT AN OPTION.
MAINE: I AGREE. IF THEY’RE WORKING WITH ABLE, WE NEED TO TALK TO ABLE. BRING THEM TO THE TABLE.
PENNSYLVANIA: EXCEPT THEY, UH, KNOW WE OFFED ‘EM, RIGHT?
CONNETICUT: YEAH, THE CAMERA RECORDS SHOW THEM IN THE RECORD OFFICE.
GEORGIA: I THOUGHT THEY WERE INVISIBLE.
MARYLAND: NO, THE TOUR BUS IS INVISIBLE.
GEORGE: EXPLETIVE DELETED
NEW YORK: OK, WE TALK TO THEM, OR TRY TO. IF THEY CAN BE REASONED WITH, THEN THEY WOULD BE POWERFUL ALLIES. THIS MIGHT TURN OUT FOR THE BEST.
MARYLAND: YEAH. THAT’LL EXPLETIVE DELETED WORK.
PENNSYLVANIA: EXPLETIVE DELETED KELLEY NEARLY GOT THEM. WE CAN TAKE THEM OUT. WE USE PRIVATE DUKES, GET NEW YORK TO HANDLE THE HIRING. OUTSOURCE IT.
MAINE: I DON’T LIKE IT. IT’S PUTTING AN ALREADY UNSTABLE SITUATION INTO THE HANDS OF, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW THE SORT OF PEOPLE. NUTBAGS.
MARYLAND: SO WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE?
MAINE; HOMELAND SECURITY CAN
NEW JERSEY: I, EH, DON’T RECOMMEND THAT.
NEW YORK: SECONDED. THIS ORDER WAS FOUNDED TO CONCEAL MAGICK FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC. WE CANNOT RISK WAKING THE TIGER.
MAINE: WE’VE GOT ZOMBIE PRESIDENTS RUNNING AROUND NUKING NATIONAL MONUMENTS, AND YOU’RE WORRIED THAT JOE AVERAGE MIGHT MAYBE THINK SOMETHING IS WEIRD? I DON’T KNOW, SAY IT’S LSD IN THE WATER OR SOMETHING, BUT EXPLETIVE DELETED GET THEM OFF THE EXPLETIVE DELETED STREET. ANY NECROMANCER CAN LAY A GHOST TRAP, YOU CAN BUY THEM FOR FIFTY EXPLETIVE DELETED BUCKS ON A STREET CORNER!
MARYLAND: WE’RE NOT DEALING WITH EXPLETIVE DELETED GHOSTS. THEY’RE MUCH BIGGER. RHODE ISLAND AND THE OTHER TWO SACRIFICED THE REGALIA OF AMERICA TO BRING THEM BACK. THEY’RE SUPERCHARGED. THEY’D BLOW ANY NORMAL GHOST TRAP.
DELAWARE: OK, WE CAN’T RELY ON MAGICK OR MUNDANE FORCES. WHAT CAN WE DO?
NORTH CAROLINA: I’VE A FEW IDEAS.
NEW YORK: ME TOO. I’VE OPENED UP A DIALOGUE WITH, WELL, AN ELDER STATESMAN. IF THE WORST COMES TO THE WORST, WE INVOKE THE CRUEL ONES.
MARYLAND: EXPLETIVE DELETED
GEORGIA: WHO?
MARYLAND: WIPE THE COUNTRY CLEAR OF GHOSTS.
MAINE: I THOUGHT THEY WEREN’T GHOSTS.
MARYLAND: EXPLETIVE DELETED EVERYTHING. ANYTHING NOT NAILED TO A BODY. LIKE CHAFF BEFORE A EXPLETIVE DELETED STORM.
NEW YORK: SO, CARROT AND STICK. THE CARROT’S NEGOTIATION. LET’S TALK STICK.
05/12/2009 at 5:17 pm Permalink
Awesome. Seriously. If it was an official campaign book I’d buy it right away. One for me and all my friends.
As a long time UA fan like you know, I always felt that the game offered particularly appealing possibilities of exploring the US mythology, and this proves it.
Well, actually what proves is that the combination works beautifully in your hands. I’ll definitely be looking forward Thursday’s recap
.