Figures of Text

The Fringe clashes with GenCon US, so every year there are two events that I really want to go to, but instead end up following online, like Gollum stalking Frodo through Moria.

If Frodo had a twitter account, that is.

This year, deli & I flew over, using her birthday as an excuse. A dedicated Fringe follower can rack up four shows a day easily, so we could theoretically have seen about thirty events. We saw considerably less than that, although deli suggests that each wine glass could be seen – nay, must be cherished – as an individual event.

Wednesday 12th: Underword Cover Versions: Underword is a spoken word group that friends of friends are involved in, and their Cover Versions night involved poets reading extracts from works that influenced them. The standouts were Ali from the Chemical Poets, who did a mindbogglingly frenetic reading from the Egyptian Book of the Dead (Loathsome Is My Name) and the readings from Ulrich Haarburste’s Novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm.

After the poets, there was an improv group (who were good, despite having a combined age of at least thirty among the seven of them) and a stand-up comic (who wasn’t). Then we all went to the pub, where we discovered that gamers are everywhere (most of the discussion revolved around Arkham Horror).

Thursday 13th: Recovery from the night before.

Friday 14th: The Discovery of Spain: An exhibition of painting of or related to Spain. Knowing nothing about painting or Spain, I’m not quite sure why we wandered in here. Goya was good, El Greco sensational, and I think I want to get Burra art for some Carcosa-inspired book.

I lost my phone in the museum, which was an unfortunate coda to the whole trip. I’m taking it as Fate telling me to buy an iphone.

Saturday 15th: Danielle Ward Lies: Actually, we intended to go to the One Man Lord of The Rings, but it was sold out, so we wandered the streets for a time. I called into the ever-wonderful Black Lion Games and picked up Dominion on the grounds it won absolutely every award ever last year including the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. We ran into Ben Moor, who I’d last seen reciting Vogon poetry at a 42nd birthday party and accidentally bought his book.

Danielle Ward Lies wasn’t bad. I think I appreciated it more for the glimpses of what comedians do behind the scenes than for the actual material.

Sunday 15th: One Man Lord of the Rings: The whole trilogy (movie, not book) in an hour (including water breaks) by one (very tired) man. Fascinating as an intellectual exercise, but I think the sheer length of the books meant he couldn’t throw in as many jokes as in the Star Wars version.

Adam, Jason & Friends: Adam Hills & Jason Byrne introducing three different comedians every night. It was the last night of the show, and five minutes in we were watching a one-legged man trying to moonwalk as they spontaneously decided to recreate famous pop deaths. The three comedians were good but couldn’t compare to the comperes.

Monday 16th: Wandered around Edinburgh, wrote in a coffee shop while drinking wine. All very artistic.

Then we got Schroedinger’s Pig Flu (it may or may not be swine flu).

Tuesday 17th: Shivered and lay in bed.

And now, the hilarious complication. My mother suffers from a chronic lung condition that makes her very vulnerable to respiratory infections. She wasn’t feeling well before we left, so we checked with her doctors and family and confirmed that it was safe for us to go. The day after we went to Edinburgh, she went into hospital. We asked if we should cut the trip short and come home immediately, but she wasn’t that bad and there was no need for us to rush home.

On Monday, she started going downhill. We contemplated going home that day, but we’d be back on Wednesday afternoon and 36 hours wouldn’t make that much difference, or so we assumed.

Of course, that assumes you don’t catch the flu in that time window. So, my mother’s in hospital in a serious condition (everything is a serious condition for her), and I can’t visit her until I’m certified non-plague-ridden. This is sub-optimal.

Limbo is not a good place to be.

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